Covid 19 worries !

[CjP]

Maybe it's a generational thing, but I really don't understand the problem with lack of toilet paper when there are newspapers available. Can't think of a better use for The Sun and The Daily Mail than wiping my arse on them...

If only I could wipe my ass with the tv!

 

[wepn]

I have some left over sandpaper

Maybe Toto Washlet for you

 

[CjP]

Maybe Toto Washlet for you

View attachment 27126

I used one of these toilets once, waaaaaay to accurate. It was written in Japanese and I couldn’t adjust the powerful yet not pleasant jet feature. Ewwwee!
ill
Stick with the Karcher, if it’s good enough for the bikes bearings it’s good enough for mine.

 

[wepn]

It was written in Japanese

Stick with the Karcher

Those robot toilets are super expensive and that Front mode is freakin dangerous but an entry level budget Karcher dunny - winner.

 

[Zimmerframe]

I remember in Thailand, a lot of the toilets have a hose gun next to the toilet which you can use to jet wash your crevice. (@Christian Karcher style until he works out his phone is a small tv and will fit..).....

Best of all though, you can use the powerful stream of water to blast off the ceiling and ricochet all over the person in the next cubicle ..

 

[GrahamPaul]

Maybe it's a generational thing, but I really don't understand the problem with lack of toilet paper when there are newspapers available. Can't think of a better use for The Sun and The Daily Mail than wiping my arse on them...

Thanks for the downvote. I guess from a Daily Mail reader who go upset...

[Edit: My misunderstanding. Not a DM reader at all. I should read Viz more often! ]

 

[Zimmerframe]

View attachment 27128

Thanks for the downvote. I guess from a Daily Mail reader who go upset...

I think you miss understood your downvote .. it has become common practice to vote "crap post" when someone makes a "poo" related post ..

Daily Mail readers only get upset if they're the first person to read it and it doesn't have more sh1t smeared on it to make things clearer ...

EDIT : just thinking about this, we should really warn people to turn off video view if they skype with @Christian

 

[GrahamPaul]

I think you miss understood your downvote .. it has become common practice to vote "crap post" when someone makes a "poo" related post ..

Daily Mail readers only get upset if they're the first person to read it and it doesn't have more sh1t smeared on it to make things clearer ...

EDIT : just thinking about this, we should really warn people to turn off video view if they skype with @Christian

I reckon you are right. Feelin a bit fragile today...

 

[Timbo]

 

[miPbiP]

View attachment 27129

A Viz classic.

 

[R120]

Maybe Toto Washlet for you

View attachment 27126

Once you try a heated loo seat its hard to go back, for that matter who needs bog roll when you have a perfectly good shower nearby

 

[steve_sordy]

My wife and were on our first trip to Kuala Lumpur. The hotel bellboy was doing his best to earn his tip by showing us how to open the curtains and switch the TV on etc, so I ushered him out before he had finished. As soon as he'd gone my wife went to the loo. 30 seconds in and she let out a scream. I rushed in to find her stood in front of the loo with her knickers around her ankles, pointing down at the loo. She had inadvertently pressed the wrong button causing an arm to swing out from under the rim. It then squirted cold water right where she least expected it.

I had a play with it and without anyone sat on it, the water jet reached a height of 3' or so, impressive. We had a good laugh about it. Well, actually I had a good laugh about it. In fact I'm laughing now as I recall it.

 

[Zimmerframe]

Now that toilet paper has sold out ... Pasta seems to be next.

Can anyone, with more experience, help educate the rest of us about the advantages and disadvantages of the many different types of Pasta when used as a toilet paper substitute ?

Lasagna seems like the first most logical choice with a large flat surface area and not too many sharp pointy bits.

Tagliatelle is probably the next most obvious, it's still flat and could possibly, after practice, be used efficiently in a "drawn through" technique.

Fusilli, a tricky one, for it's size it has a relatively large surface area and it's shape might be helpful when used in a scraping fashion ?

Spaghetti, god help anyone who gets left with a pack of spaghetti as their toilet paper substitute !

 

[Janc]

Once you try a heated loo seat its hard to go back, for that matter who needs bog roll when you have a perfectly good shower nearby

Wood is always good. Plastic is nasty

 

[Zimmerframe]

Wood is always good. Plastic is nasty

I still prefer the paper type, no matter what you stylish guys use ..

 

[CjP]

This is good people, there’s always a silver lining (brown in this case) that one should aspire to look for in any disaster.
Positivity will prevail

As long as the pasta is Gluten free Ill eat/use any of them but I would think Ravioli would be the logical choice. They’re smaller squares which would be easier to ration out and once washed you could cook and recycle them.

 

[Zimmerframe]

As long as the pasta is Gluten free Ill eat/use any of them but I would think Ravioli would be the logical choice. They’re smaller squares which would be easier to ration out and once washed you could cook and recycle them.

It's no wonder you Aussies have so many problems with drought - wasting water washing all the naturally added "sauce" off your Raviolti from "Down under" ..

 

[CjP]

No we wash them in the shower with us to save water.

 

[HORSPWR]

Now that toilet paper has sold out ... Pasta seems to be next.

Can anyone, with more experience, help educate the rest of us about the advantages and disadvantages of the many different types of Pasta when used as a toilet paper substitute ?

Lasagna seems like the first most logical choice with a large flat surface area and not too many sharp pointy bits.

Tagliatelle is probably the next most obvious, it's still flat and could possibly, after practice, be used efficiently in a "drawn through" technique.

Fusilli, a tricky one, for it's size it has a relatively large surface area and it's shape might be helpful when used in a scraping fashion ?

Spaghetti, god help anyone who gets left with a pack of spaghetti as their toilet paper substitute !

Lasagna sheets are for folders and Tagliatelle is for scrunchers!

 

[Pdoz]

Lasagna sheets are for folders and Tagliatelle is for scrunchers!

and rotini?

 

[#lazy]

View attachment 27128

Thanks for the downvote. I guess from a Daily Mail reader who go upset...

[Edit: My misunderstanding. Not a DM reader at all. I should read Viz more often! ]

Apology excepted , but I do read the online comments once and a while for a laugh ?

 

[Zimmerframe]

Some early info on symptoms and gestation ..

www.bbc.com/news/health-51800707

Please wash your hands before replying, I don't want to catch an internet virus ..

 

[CjP]

Just a cold

 

[B1rdie]

From all the good advice that has been given, my take:
Don’t panic - this is only effective if given with a good slap at the face.
Wash you hands - its what most authorities are doing, the Poncio Pilatus style.
First thing I found reasonable: a nearby town has designated one hospital to have all cases directed to. Isn’t this a good idea?

 

[Zimmerframe]

I heard Uber had ordered a fleet of new Eco Electric transits and had them installed with mobile methanol gas powered crematorium incinerators to offer people a "quick, easy, convenient and ecological way to get rid of your dead which fits with today's modern living/dying expectations" - (from the brochure).

They were still arguing about what to call it "Ubern" or "Uber Heats". They can't go with Uburn as they felt it didn't carry enough of the parent company identity and U-Haul in the States are planning the same thing with their new fleet of rental towable crematoriums under the U-Burn brand.

 

[Mikerb]

The more I read from zimmer the mote I am convinced he is a Monty Python script writer!

 

[stiv674]

The more I read from zimmer the mote I am convinced he is a Monty Python script writer!

Yeah, I never found them funny either...

 

[StuE]

 

[Mikerb]

Yeah, I never found them funny either...
Harsh....he always lightens the tone!

 

[Shifty]

Sadly according to the New Scientist its not just a flu. Flu kills 0.1% but this beast kills 1.0% at the momment.(10X more) it also puts 10% of the infected in intensive care which is staggering amount of people.
Whilst in Italy it has killed 6 out of every 100 as the population is older. So don’t be fooled into thinking this is just flu. Although it is nice to know that 99/100 will recover although 1/10 will be in an intensive care bed.