Official EMTB Vasectomy Megathread

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steve_sordy

Wedding Crasher
Nov 5, 2018
9,014
9,443
Lincolnshire, UK
I’m glad you said semen and not sperm as I’m having a vasectomy in a couple of weeks. It’s enough to worry about trimming the olives without worrying about my post-op gender.
Afterwards, do what the medics tell you and look after the boys. Same day as the op I had sat around and kept my legs well apart. I also took the next day off from work and lazed around. The result was that I had zero problems.
One of my workmates decided that his business meeting in another country was too important and he had the op in the morning and flew out in the afternoon. He spent nearly two hours strapped into a plane seat, plus time in a car either side. He rang me from his hotel that night and asked me if I'd had any painful bruising or swelling! Because the whole area was still numb while he was travelling, he had been unaware that he was trapping his scrotum in his clothing or how the way he was sat in his airplane seat was giving him problems to come. He had to go see a doctor whilst in Germany and all they could do was to give him painkillers. He told me that it felt like he had been kicked in the bollocks, repeatedly! He could hardly walk and he failed to make his business meeting. He had to spend an extra day in Germany before he could come home and he was still in discomfort a week later. Silly sod!

When the time came for his stitches to be removed, his scrotum was still so swollen and discoloured that the doctor had difficulty finding the stitches! When he did find one and tugged on it with his long tweezers, my mate rose up with them and ended up on his head and his heels! :ROFLMAO: He wasn't best pleased when I laughed uncontrollably when he told me that. :ROFLMAO::ROFLMAO: I'm laughing now at the memory of his striking visual image. :ROFLMAO::ROFLMAO:
 

Spangoolies

Active member
Nov 5, 2022
122
114
UK
Afterwards, do what the medics tell you and look after the boys. Same day as the op I had sat around and kept my legs well apart. I also took the next day off from work and lazed around. The result was that I had zero problems.
One of my workmates decided that his business meeting in another country was too important and he had the op in the morning and flew out in the afternoon. He spent nearly two hours strapped into a plane seat, plus time in a car either side. He rang me from his hotel that night and asked me if I'd had any painful bruising or swelling! Because the whole area was still numb while he was travelling, he had been unaware that he was trapping his scrotum in his clothing or how the way he was sat in his airplane seat was giving him problems to come. He had to go see a doctor whilst in Germany and all they could do was to give him painkillers. He told me that it felt like he had been kicked in the bollocks, repeatedly! He could hardly walk and he failed to make his business meeting. He had to spend an extra day in Germany before he could come home and he was still in discomfort a week later. Silly sod!

When the time came for his stitches to be removed, his scrotum was still so swollen and discoloured that the doctor had difficulty finding the stitches! When he did find one and tugged on it with his long tweezers, my mate rose up with them and ended up on his head and his heels! :ROFLMAO: He wasn't best pleased when I laughed uncontrollably when he told me that. :ROFLMAO::ROFLMAO: I'm laughing now at the memory of his striking visual image. :ROFLMAO::ROFLMAO:
😂
I’ve seen first hand what happens when you rush it from a few guys on various building sites I’ve worked on. One guy hemorrhaged so bad his nuts and legs were black to his calves. Another guy’s nuts swelled to the size of grapefruits (to the pleasure of his wife I’m sure). One guy had a real bad infection that had to be drained and another lads tubes tried to grow back together. It’s amazing how much we talk about and even show each other on site, a lot of it I wish I could unsee.
Hence why I’m a bit nervous and definitely taking a few days off.
 

Stihldog

Handheld Power Tool
Subscriber
Jun 10, 2020
3,573
5,041
Coquitlam, BC
I’d never discourage anyone from getting this procedure. We all have our reasons …but mine was a nightmare.
Afterwards, do what the medics tell you and look after the boys. Same day as the op I had sat around and kept my legs well apart….
So there I was, laying there, waiting for the freezing to take effect before a small 1 inch incision, I passed out. When I came to the Doctor was pulling a small cord with surgical tweezers. I passed out again. When I woke up again there were more people in the room …they cut the cord and began to cotterise the cord with a large pencil-like lazer. That one didn’t work. It was dead. A nurse rushed out of the room and returned with another lazer-pencil. That one didn’t work either.

By now I could sense that the doctor was fuming. More nurses came and left the room. In a stern voice the doctor said; “ Go to 7-11 (corner store) and buy new batteries …NOW! I assume the pencil-lazer was repaired when I saw a small puff of smoke rising from between my legs. I passed out again.

Passing out started to feel like part of the procedure. Kinda like an escape. My vision would blur, things got quiet, ceiling and lights would rush by, and finally nothing.

When I woke again it looked like everything(the procedure) was done. A nurse asked if I was okay. “Sure” I said, “but I’ll just lay here for awhile”. My next move was to the chair next to the bed. On my way there, with some help, I passed out again. 30-40 minutes passed before I was allowed and able to leave. My truck(new 3/4 ton Dodge Cummins diesel) was parked just outside.

Once I entered and started my truck I began to leave the parking lot …but I rolled over a speed bump. I passed out again because I found myself slumped in my seat and the truck had rolled to the far end of the parking lot while still in gear . I rested for awhile.

The freezing was starting to wear off by now (3 hours) and I was becoming very very hungry. I decided to drive to the local McDonalds for some “food” that might lessen the hypoglycaemia. In the drive-thru lane my truck went over another speed-bump. This was like getting kicked by a donkey. I passed out for a while. I was able to place my order and headed home.

When I arrived home, bag of food in hand, I started up the stairs …and passed out. After I woke again I ate my food were I layed. I eventually made it to my couch, took some pain meds, and slept.

It’s all good now though 👍🏻. Thank gawd. Good times!😄
 

Spangoolies

Active member
Nov 5, 2022
122
114
UK
I’d never discourage anyone from getting this procedure. We all have our reasons …but mine was a nightmare.

So there I was, laying there, waiting for the freezing to take effect before a small 1 inch incision, I passed out. When I came to the Doctor was pulling a small cord with surgical tweezers. I passed out again. When I woke up again there were more people in the room …they cut the cord and began to cotterise the cord with a large pencil-like lazer. That one didn’t work. It was dead. A nurse rushed out of the room and returned with another lazer-pencil. That one didn’t work either.

By now I could sense that the doctor was fuming. More nurses came and left the room. In a stern voice the doctor said; “ Go to 7-11 (corner store) and buy new batteries …NOW! I assume the pencil-lazer was repaired when I saw a small puff of smoke rising from between my legs. I passed out again.

Passing out started to feel like part of the procedure. Kinda like an escape. My vision would blur, things got quiet, ceiling and lights would rush by, and finally nothing.

When I woke again it looked like everything(the procedure) was done. A nurse asked if I was okay. “Sure” I said, “but I’ll just lay here for awhile”. My next move was to the chair next to the bed. On my way there, with some help, I passed out again. 30-40 minutes passed before I was allowed and able to leave. My truck(new 3/4 ton Dodge Cummins diesel) was parked just outside.

Once I entered and started my truck I began to leave the parking lot …but I rolled over a speed bump. I passed out again because I found myself slumped in my seat and the truck had rolled to the far end of the parking lot while still in gear . I rested for awhile.

The freezing was starting to wear off by now (3 hours) and I was becoming very very hungry. I decided to drive to the local McDonalds for some “food” that might lessen the hypoglycaemia. In the drive-thru lane my truck went over another speed-bump. This was like getting kicked by a donkey. I passed out for a while. I was able to place my order and headed home.

When I arrived home, bag of food in hand, I started up the stairs …and passed out. After I woke again I ate my food were I layed. I eventually made it to my couch, took some pain meds, and slept.

It’s all good now though 👍🏻. Thank gawd. Good times!😄
Yer thanks for the confidence booster😳
 

RustyMojo

Well-known member
Oct 30, 2021
166
105
Gloucestershire
Im going in for the snip in 2 weeks…obviously my bike died in December which meant I’ve only just had the warranty job completed by Bosch this week. Why couldn’t the thing just for once agree to fail whilst I can’t actually ride!

Thanks for the above stories chaps, it’s making the anxiety much better!!!
 

Jackware

Fat-tyred Freakazoid
Subscriber
Oct 30, 2018
2,086
2,299
Lancashire
Well, if we're reminiscing, mine was probably one of the fastest snips. It was on a Friday afternoon and the golf course must have been calling the consultant as from the moment I laid down, suffered the unimpressed glance from the nurse, to the surgeon leaving the room must have been no longer than 10 minutes. As we were walking out of the clinic he was speeding out of the car park.
Thankfully unlike Stihldog, I suffered no serious discomfort and enjoyed a pint in our local to 'celebrate'!
 

Zimmerframe

MUPPET
Subscriber
Jun 12, 2019
14,028
20,818
Brittany, France
Y’all mofos with a vasectomy are forever absorbing your own semen now. How does that make you feel? Or how does that taste?!?
If you don't "disperse" the Olympic swimming team within a given time period aren't they absorbed and replenished anyway ?

Or do they hang there in neat racks like infinite tie fighters in two parallel death stars ready to launch for eternity?
 

Spangoolies

Active member
Nov 5, 2022
122
114
UK
just as an update, had the procedure done yesterday with a reasonably positive experience. They were running late and I found out it was going to be an all female crowd in there. Great, nervous as hell and now I’m worried about having my sensitives in the hands of a bunch of ladies whose career target was to cut men’s genitals apart.
Turns out they were lovely people, friendly as hell and the doctor was stunning which under normal circumstances I would have been happy as hell for her to be handling my bits but arousal was the last thing on my mind and let’s be professional and respectful here. Also let’s face it, I’m going to be the nicest person in the world, never annoy the people who handle your food? Taking this one up a notch.
They were great and it went well. Thanks to all of you for posting on here, you guys were the cherry on top of this whole experience
 

Spangoolies

Active member
Nov 5, 2022
122
114
UK
Just rest and take paracetamol every four hours for a couple of days and you will be fine. Remember it takes about three months for your tubes to clear of good tad poles. :D
Yer after I got dressed the doctor gave me a testing kit to be filled and sent off in 3 months and a pack of small condoms.
 

Spangoolies

Active member
Nov 5, 2022
122
114
UK
Did you get your testosterone levels checked before?
Nope, but I consider the fact that I refuse to watch ‘the notebook’ with my wife a sure sign that I’m good. This morning I got her to leave the toilet seat up as a test, didn’t feel the urge to loose my shit and have a go so still good there I suppose
 
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