EMTBs versus Horses

[Tobers]

I came across two nice ladies on horses while out on my bike yesterday. We were all very courteous, and friendly in the British way, and we had a nice chat. But it struck me as really weird why anyone would want a horse. As I rode on I thought of 10 reasons why EMTBs are better than horses:

1. You can upgrade your EMTB, but horses dislike having their bits swapped over for lighter, higher performance more rigid versions.
2. You don't need to muck out your EMTB every morning.
3. Your EMTB doesn't sweat huge gobs of white froth (though the EMTB rider might)
4. Both can hurl you to the floor without warning, but your EMTB is less likely to trample you to death in the process.
5. EMTBs don't have wild staring eyes and weird slobbery lips.
6. It's messy to remove your horse's legs and head to put it in the back of your car, and future functionality is badly impaired should you do so.
7. Lubing up your horse could get you into trouble with the authorities.
8. You don't have to shoot your EMTB if it stops working, though the EMTB vet bills can get quite high.
9. EMTBs can get through smaller gaps and you don't whack your head on branches so much.
10. EMTBs dont dump steaming piles of manure on otherwise pristine trails.

Any more? And for a balanced opinion, we should allow reasons why horses are better I suppose.

 

[Tobers]

Why does friendly in the British way mean? Quick romp in the woods?!?

Hahahaha! Not in my experience. Have you been watching those videos on the internet again .

 

[wepn]

First one that came mind was e-mtb won't kick you in the nutz but hit the dropper remote unexpectedly and well, WRONG.

 

[wepn]

Idk man. Ever have your nuts scrubbed by a new downhill tire?

Haha no I haven't had the pleasure but I'm pretty sure my friend Zim has - he's the pain overlord - crashed & been kicked by both bike and horse.

 

[wepn]

Great clips from Zim - I think pretty memorable possibly unique , e-mtb on a beach keeping up with a fast beauty and no background noise - just wind & hooves.

* more accurately: Kenevo keeping up with fast beauties

 

[steve_sordy]

Emtb's don't take fright at a paper bag blowing across the trail.
EMTBs do kick, but not with steel shod boots.

On the pro horse side:
Most horse riders are female.
They have rights of way going back 1000's of years.

 

[Zimmerframe]

Most horse riders are female.
They have rights of way going back 1000's of years.

Yes .. it's true, most women have thought they're right for 1000's of years.

 

[Konanige]

I have 4 bikes and 2 horses, Never have I attempted on a bike to, jump a five bar gate, jump a 12 foot river gap with no run in or ramp, or ridden at 40mph on uneven ground! But I still prefer my Levo SL!

 

[Pdoz]

Injured horses are a good opportunity for parents to teach their children about end of life decisions.

Bikes are a scary opportunity to break a leg and face that conversation from the receiving end....

I'm not looking forward to the day my hospital bill is more than a new emtb and sprogette leads with " Dad, time for a harsh reality talk "

 

[KeithR]

I've never been kicked unconscious and hospitalised by a bike...

 

[KeithR]

EMTBs do kick, but not with steel shod boots.

You should see the - literally - bloody mess my right shin is in today after an unexpected encounter with the pins on my DMR V8s...

 

[Rosemount]

Emtb will not cause your arse to grow wider .
Horses don`t schralp !

 

[Fingerpuk]

You can’t cook and eat an eMTB.

 

[Waynemarlow]

One only has to look at sports injuries and quickly you realise how harsh it is when 1 tonne of horse lands on you.

 

[Zimmerframe]

One only has to look at sports injuries and quickly you realise how harsh it is when 1 tonne of horse lands on you.

Not many people compete on Shire horses, Bretons, Cydesdales .. But the more average 450-650 kg of a Race/Show Jumping/Dressage/Cross country horse will certainly pulp up a human body quite easily. I had my head stood on by one a few weeks ago and if I'd not had a Full Face on, my replies would be even more stupid than they are already (though were probably a bit more irate from brain squish in that period). Fractured ribs from one 4 months ago. Fractured Skull from one 2 years ago and I'm only the stable lad.

I'm about even on which is most dangerous EMTB or Horses. They are nice though.

 

[Mikerb]

The clue is in the fact that most horses are ridden by ladies

 

[Giff]

Why does friendly in the British way mean? Quick romp in the woods?!? That sums up my experience with British women.....quite friendly indeed.
You can also add that EMTBs don’t panic when they see a snake. Or decide to scratch their back on a fence with your ankle in the way, after getting stitches there.

......but you get a better rhubarb patch if you own a horse and collect the proceeds.

 

[Zimmerframe]

Love me some rhubarb!!!

Rhubarb and Custard ?

 

[KeithR]

You don't have to set horses up to run tubeless...

 

[Zimmerframe]

You don't have to set horses up to run tubeless...

But you could go barefoot ..

 

[MitchF]

EMTB burgers don’t taste as good ???

 

[Rosemount]

One only has to look at sports injuries and quickly you realise how harsh it is when 1 tonne of horse lands on you.

More people die in the UK from horse accidents than die from consuming exstacy .
Or so Dr David Nut reckoned .

 

[Nicho]

I had my head stood on by one a few weeks ago and if I'd not had a Full Face on, my replies would be even more stupid than they are already (though were probably a bit more irate from brain squish in that period). Fractured ribs from one 4 months ago. Fractured Skull from one 2 years ago and I'm only the stable lad.

Have you thought about getting a different hobby, such as hamster breeding Zimmer?

 

[Pdoz]

Have you thought about getting a different hobby, such as hamster breeding Zimmer?

I'm sure the health industry could do with a good laugh right now ...go for it Zim., what could possibly go wrong?

 

[luna87824]

 

[Zimmerframe]

such as hamster breeding Zimmer?

Do you think that's a good idea ? Even if it was successful, wouldn't we just end up with some injury prone hamsters ??

I can't help but think, no matter which way round you try it, there's a high risk of either injury to the hamster or injury to the Zimmer.

 

[Jamm13dodger]

Do you think that's a good idea ? Even if it was successful, wouldn't we just end up with some injury prone hamsters ??

I can't help but think, no matter which way round you try it, there's a high risk of either injury to the hamster or injury to the Zimmer.

I cant stop thinking of Freddie Starr now

 

[mxtyphoon]

I’d say it’s more of an animal relationship then anything ?

 

[Nicho]

Even if it was successful, wouldn't we just end up with some injury prone hamsters ??

Obviously you would have to line their wheels and balls with bubblewrap to minimise the risk.

 

[Pivot]

eMTBs don’t produce 5 tonnes of CO2 per annum.